Parenting Job Description

I got this in an email...interesting and fun

POSITION: Mum, Mummy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to workvariable hours which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :The rest of your life.Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as: small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:None.Your job is to remain in the same position for years without complaining constantly retraining and updating your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that university will help them become financially independent and when you die you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Theodore Roosevelt said it a long time ago...

My brother sent me a quote for Theodore Roosevelt. The principles are simple and honorable. The are what I would expect in a marriage, family, organization and in a society. It's so simple, yet today, as was we were warned, good is called evil and evil called good. The basics of decency are being stripped away and perverted. Entitlement has become a way of thinking so many breed and spew....selfish, destructive "entitlement"!

The year is 1907, one hundred years ago...

Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907. "In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." Theodore Roosevelt 1907Every American citizen needs to read this!

Maine Middle School Providing Bijrth Control to Children

Yesterday I got into my car to take my son to school, a harmless action. I’m minding my own business when I hear over the radio that a middle school in Maine serving 6th, 7th, and 8th grade students ranging in ages from 11-13 and maybe a few 14 year olds has decided to make available to the children hormonal birth control.
Think for a moment about three 11 years that you know. Are they anywhere NEAR the place of appreciating the enormity of sexual relations? Make them three 11 year old girls; are they developed? Mature? Even cycling to require hormonal suppression in avoiding pregnancy?
I’m shocked and disappointed at the lack of logic and judgment here.
Here’s another thing: How old does a person have to be before he or she can legal consent to sexual intimate activity? NOT 11! NOT 12! NOT likely 13. So, IF a young child of the ripe age 12 goes into the nurse’s office to receive a patch or a month’s worth of contraceptive pills, is there anything in place to report a child at risk for a crime? NO. One more time; is it legal to have sex with a 12 year old? NO. Again, there is no report to anyone that a child may be in danger, is probably being taken advantage of by an older person, NOTHING!
What’s the justification? They say they’re looking out for the health of the students. They also say to not provide hormonal contraception is pandering to religion for which they must stay away from. WHAT?!!! I can’t see how they should be allowed to give controlled substances to a child without a parent’s consent. How does avoiding the birth control pill and/or the patch pander to religion?
The program allows PRETEENS to walk into an office and receive for free, without a physician, without parental knowledge or consent, what normally is a controlled substance requiring a prescription.
I can’t be the only person here who sees problems of this decision.
1. Hormonal manipulation has short-term and long-term risks that an adult needs to weigh carefully and wisely.
2. Adolescents are not mature enough or experienced enough to make a solid decision about their health in this regard.
3. There isn't an actual "legal" requirement for parental consent or knowledge yet parents are held responsible for their children though the school says they will ask for a form to be filled out by parents.
4. IT IS ILLEGAL TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A CHILD OF THESE AGES! ...IT IS A CRIME!
5. There is no responsibility or accountability required for anyone involved.
6. The guise that this is purely a health issue is misleading. Offering condoms is still disgusting but serves to support an assertion of health due to it potentially protecting participants of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy…hormonal contraception provides no protection from infection of STD’s.

Read about it: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21358971/

Possibly the FUNNIEST email I have EVER received!

Last night my hubby and I had a conversation about hair waxing and how I am absolutely NOT interested in EVER trying it on ANY part of my body...I'm of the belief that it hurts and thus very much averted from trying it...I'll stick to shaving or leaving my hair. HERE is an example of what I will NEVER EVER have to worry about....

~~~~~~~~~ (OH, and make sure you're not reading this in the middle of the night, in a meeting, or at the library...you WILL laught out LOUD at least once!) ~~~~~~~~~

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair, and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanicallyinclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Coldwax,"yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused meso much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair…the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water... which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter: "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOSH!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, I but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Now, you see, I just do NOT need this experience! LOL

Stomping on the Flag

Yesterday while waiting for my girls at the end of school, I watched as some children ran out of the building to lower the flag. It was the same scene as every other day until I witnessed one of the young men wrap himself up inside our flag. I don’t know exactly why he chose to do this—perhaps he thought it was a way to keep the flag off of the ground; however, it isn’t proper or acceptable and in doing so he dropped the corners in the mud and stepped on our flag. As I was witnessing this process I took notice of several so-called AMERICAN adults standing around while I was across the way in my van. I felt reasonably secure in the thought that the men and women standing within the sound of voice would encourage these young people in how to properly rest the flag, so I waited.
I sat there for a moment taking in this sight, thinking the people right there would tell the children what needed to be done, a large SUV pulled up beside me stopping for the crossing guard blocking my view, when the vehicle pulled away saw—to my horror—our stars and stripes laying on the ground while these children were trying to retire the state flag and dragging it, too, on the ground.
I couldn’t believe my eyes! At least 10 AMERICAN adults stood there while these 9-11 year olds were unintentionally violating our beautiful, sacred flag. Not one of those characters who enjoy the freedoms, liberties, and security this flag represents could take three seconds to say something like: hey guys, make sure the flag doesn’t touch the ground…NOTHING! Personally I think it’s incomprehensible.
I exited my van to cross the street, walk across the entire school lawn, and watched as I marched myself over to see one of those children picked up our flag and then—for reasons I couldn’t say or guess, he tossed it back onto the ground. He THREW Old Glory on the ground! My heart began to race; how could they not know this is not OK? Were they not instructed, reminded, and/or encouraged to honor the symbol of all that we hold dear? And worse yet, NO ONE, not one living soul had ANYTHING to say, not one of these criminally ignorant human adults did a thing.
I approached the children to see our flag carelessly folded up—to be honest, it was mostly wadded up, carelessly tossed aside atop the state flag. My heart sank. I knew it was on the ground, but I had thought they had at least folded our flag, to see it crumpled on the ground was more than I was prepared for.
I scooped up MY American flag, the flag my husband defends everyday for you and for me, along with my state flag I told the children that we NEVER ever let our flag touch the ground, not EVER. I hugged these flags to my body and took them into the school office. Does anyone remember that IF we allow our flag to touch the ground we’re supposed to burn it? Burn it because it has been desecrated?
Americans, do we no longer value ANYTHING? Are we so iniquitous, so hardened that NOTHING is sacred to us? I’m not speaking of religion, simply of honoring the most basics of goodness. Millions of men and women have put their lives on the line for our flag, hundreds of thousands of lost their lives for this flag of their own volition, our national anthem is all about this very flag, do we not care when it’s being defiled—even in ignorance. Do we not stand up for anything? Do we not take a moment to teach our young about respect, admiration, and reverence?
I am so offended, so disheartened, and utterly astonished that not one person could open his or her mouth to help these young people show reverence or esteem for that which assures our right to stand around yapping our jaws on our cell phone, protects our right to speak our minds without retaliation, allows us to choose almost anything we desire…this is Old Glory, YOUR Glory, without it you have no promise to a voice or choice or freedom. Who needs enemies? Who needs a war? We’re so self- absorbed we’re going to destroy ourselves because we can’t step out of our own little bubbles to take notice when something isn’t correct, we can’t be bothered to help. Indeed, we’re so into our own little individual lives that we’re socially suicidal.
As far as I’m concerned, if you stand around while anyone devalues our flag, you are just as guilty, especially when YOU know better, to me, you’re NO better than any terrorist bent on our destruction. Shame on You! Sins of omission are just as dangerous—if not more, than those of action…lack of action is a clear and active invitation to assault.
We complain that our youth have no values, are selfish, destructive, and have no regard or respect for anyone or for anything. Well, where are they supposed to learn that? Where are they going to see it? Until we, as adults, stop pretending that all is well, that there is nothing that actually pertains to our lives unless we intend it, until we open up our little eyes and take notice of the fact that the world doesn’t just consist of you or me, until we do and say what we complain our youth aren’t doing the children of tomorrow are doomed to self-destructive behavior, complacency, and will not be prepared to protect themselves against any number of attacks because they’re being taught to look nowhere but within themselves, their wants, and their desires…
Our Flag for goodness sake! It isn’t the fabric that matters; it’s the disregard for sacrifice, loyalty, goodness, justice, liberty, FREEDOM, family, equality, honor, all things good and proper—it’s the symbol of our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This flag is what waves over us to say: all these things are protected and valued here. Stomping on the flag is the same as stomping on all these virtues. A child may not know better but we American Adults do, it’s our obligation to teach and display this to our country’s children, to step in and help out when something isn’t right!